The Biggest Sex of All…Again

I am a fan of Sex and the City. I was a fan of SATC during its six years on HBO, and, quite possibly, one of the few who hearted the first movie. But now, I am a disappointed fan.

As Sex and the City 2, the highly anticipated sequel to the 2008 smash hit, opens in theaters around the world, I cannot help but wonder (holy Manolo Blahnik!): Was it needed?

Not that I don’t welcome the sequel. I enjoy the company of Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda. Those four ladies are my girls, as they are yours, and that of countless women, gay men, and closeted straight men.

The problem with SATC 2 is it’s more of the same, and not in a good way.

Sarah Jessica Parker promised us during production that this would be a romp, which, in some ways, it is thanks to a plotline that takes Carrie & Co. on a beyond-lavish trip to Abu Dhabi. However, and for lack of a better way to put it, the shtick is getting old – the fantasy is losing its gloss and shine, and not even the sight of crystal-encrusted Christian Louboutins could restore it. The girls still have It, but where the story is going is, sadly, anything but.

Just as troubling, writer-director Michael Patrick King surpasses the first movie’s 2 1/2-hours running time for some crazy reason. I recognized SATC 1’s ambition, and while SATC 2 has it, too (I mean, that’s some social commentary right there to have four liberated gals doing their thing in a place where girl power is frowned upon), it also has one heckuva lot of a sloppy streak...and a lot of time to show it off.

The puns feel forced, the script mirrors its predecessor’s in key instances, and worst, by giving us yet another happily ever after it negates the hard-fought, satisfying one we got a couple of years ago.

Sex and the City 2 opens with a truly over-the-top wedding, one to rival the one Carrie (Parker) and John James Preston, a.k.a. Mr. Big (Chris Noth) almost had. It’s a gay wedding – but not just a gay wedding but that of last gays standing Stanford (Willie Garson, in “like-a-virgin” white) and Anthony (Mario Cantone). This gwedding has swans, Carrie in a tux and fashionable hat as the best man, a token straight stud for Samantha (Kim Cattrall) to bed, lots of bubbly, and Liza. Of course La Minnelli would be there to marry the happy couple and perform Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies” (Put a Ring on It)” – the homosexual pull is strong.

Updates on the women’s stylish lives are peppered in the scene, which includes their husbands, children, and pets – it’s nice to see them all in one place – and they continue the morning after over breakfast and in subsequent scenes that could’ve used a more decisive hand in the editing room.

Carrie is about to publish another book, about her first year of marriage to Big, and contemplates what happens after you say “I do” and you fall into a routine that lacks “sparkle.”

Samantha is fighting off menopause tooth and nail, taking lots and lots of pills that should help her slow down the passing of time (cue in the “swallow” joke from the trailer), while Charlotte (Kristin Davis) is struggling to be the mommy she wants to be and to trust that her hot nanny won’t be a tempt her husband away.

For her part, Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) is as overworked as usual, but finally in a place in her life where she wants to put her family first.

It’s good to see where our four fab friends are in life, that their economic woes, while markedly different than are ours, are woes nonetheless (Carrie can’t sell her old place...boo-friggin’-hoo). When it’s finally time to head to the Middle East, SATC 2 perks up, but so much happens over the first couple of days it’s hard to process the feelings we’re supposed to be processing.

Not helping matters is Aidan Shaw (John Corbett), looking better than ever, who Carrie sees while shopping at a souk. I won’t spoil anything at all by saying he serves as a reminder for our heroine of things past, present, and future.

I can see how bringing back Aidan was a means to an end, but I feel like King used the man and his memory for an uncool goal.

I’m on Team Aidan – don’t ever do that to him again!

As you probably know from the previews, “something happen[s]” in Abu Dhabi. Will Carrie and Big survive it?

And how does randy-panties Samantha fare on vacation in a conservative land? Will Charlotte (underused throughout and again forced to bare the brunt of a joke after falling off a camel) regain her motherly mojo? And will Miranda ever cease to be such an unfailing friend?

Never. This ladies are soul mates, and four better or for worse they are ours, too. I just wish Sex and the City 2 hadn’t made me not wanna hang with ’em for a bit.

My Rating **1/2

Photo: New Line Cinema.