Forever in Love

Alright, Twihards – I think I did a fine job of establishing how much I am sooo not one of you when I reviewed The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 last fall, right?

So imagine my surprise when I didn’t hate The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2.

Now, now – don’t lose your s--- over that one: I’m no convert.

I am, however, big enough a man to say that, y’ know, this one didn’t suck. After all, this it’s-gonna-be-a-blockbuster-no-matter-what-I-say-so-why-bother surefire hit is the one the powers that be have been slooowly building up to (props go to screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg for pulling off an end-of-the-saga thrill of a twist that like, literally made me go, “Oh, that was good!”).

But I am getting ahead of myself.

Last we saw Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart), she was, uh, dead.

That embodiment of young female morosity had gotten her wish and met her maker in the name of her love for Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), who, if you remember, wouldn’t be with her unless they were married. That they did, and she got pregs with a “miracle” baby, but that hybrid human-vampire bundle of joy, well...it killed her during childbirth.

The couple’s Hail Mary? Turning Bella into a bloodsucker at just the right moment so she and her beloved Edward could ensure an eternity together.

Naturally.

Meanwhile, Bella’s boy BFF, the werewolf Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) – who like, had been in love with the chick for the previous three movies – immediately forged a bond with Bella and Edward’s daughter, the gifted Renesmee (played as a tyke by Mackenzie Foy).

Which is all kinds of creepy – but don’t worry, people...I won’t get into how psychologically messtastic this so-called saga can get.

Part 2 opens with Bella coming back to life, her big brown eyes turning blood red. She’s a vampire now. Girlfriend got her wish...fulfilled her destiny to shine, something for which she was alway meant, as she says at one point.

She and Renesmee are fine, but Renesmee is special. She grows bigger every day, for she is a mix. And that’s a cause for concern. Also, Bella being a newborn is rather remarkable, too. She’s strong, and, as it turns out, quite powerful. But she needs to get her hunger and thirst under control before she can interact with her kid or with her father (Billy Burke, now of TV’s Revolution).

These events in the Swan-Cullen clan should be happy ones, but when the powerful Volturi find out about Renesmee, the s--- hits the fan. (The black-cloak-clad Volturi, as you w/should know, are the Italy-based clan headed by Michael Sheen’s Aro...the one that has Dakota Fanning’s Jane as an enforcer.)

Because of an unfortunate misunderstanding that would be rather easy to explain, if he should care to listen, Aro declares Renesmee to be an abomination and a threat to all vampire clans that must be eradicated. Anyone protecting her and the Cullens would be in direct violation of this decree.

Edward and a fearless Bella, especially, will not have any of it, and so they set out to gather as many “witnesses” as they can to make their case in front of the Volturi and to avoid an unnecessary war.

The end is near. Or is that a new beginning?

Watch The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 and find out – but do know that, had the entire series been written as deftly as this last chapter was (I say this in particular because of that heckuva – Spoiler Alert! – bait and switch, y’all), I would not mind seeing more of these characters.

Provided, of course, that they get their act together through some therapy. And that K. Stew, R. Patz, and Lautner weren’t constantly asked to or, worse, choosing to over- or under-emote (by way of what passes for laughable, precocious attempts at smoldering – I’m looking at you, Tay-Tay!) like they do.

My Rating ***

Photo: Summit Entertainment.