The Directorial Process

Y’ know, I wanted to like Rob Marshall’s Nine.

No…I wanted to love it.

Instead, I kinda could’ve lived without it.

The movie, which I anticipated so because of its A-List cast (there’s Marion! Penélope! Fergie! Kate! Nicole! Sophia!), is based on a Broadway musical that’s in turn based on Federico Fellini’s 8 ½…so it’s not like, something new.

You could say that Marshall’s Oscar-winning Chicago wa’n’t anything new, either, but at least that film featured classic, catchy songs – I have the soundtrack that proves it.

Name one song from Nine.

Yeah – I didn’t think so. You may be able to after you see the movie, but the irony will be the one you remember will probably be “Cinema Italiano,” a new original song written for Kate Hudson’s character. But more on that later.

In Nine, Daniel Day-Lewis plays Guido Contini, a “Maestro” of Italian cinema suffering of a big bad case of the writer’s block that’s rendered him unable to begin production on his ninth film, an ambitious epic called Italia. He has no script, no outline, no anything, you see. All he has is a title, a supportive, if pushy producer, and his longtime muse, Claudia (Nicole Kidman, looking statuesque in that peculiar way of hers these days...but softer) attached to star.

It’s such a dire situation his confidante, his costume designer, Lilli (Judi Dench), is making him all kinds of genre-spanning pieces in the hope that perhaps she’ll be able to offer some sort of inspiration. And that something will stick, no doubt.

Looking to escape all the pressures of an industry that awaits with breath that is bated, Guido leaves the famed Cinecittà studios in Rome for a ritzy spa on the coast where he is to indulge in some semblance of anonimity...and the comfortable care of his mistress, Carla (Penélope Cruz, all effective fire and smolder).

That’s another of the Maestro’s problems: he doesn’t pay any mind to what he does. In his rush to bury his head in the sand and Carla’s buxom, Guido has forgotten he’s married to he lovely Louisa (Marion Cotillard, who makes being taken for granted look good), a former up-and-comer who gave it all up to become Mrs. Contini.

He leads a complicated life, our Guido, but most of his travails are self-imposed. I think the premise of Nine is that the women in his life – which also include his beloved late Mamma (Sophia Loren) and Saraghina (Fergie, who gained close to 20 lbs. for the role), the whore he visited as a child – complicate his life, but it’s fairly obvious he does a good job at it on his own...and brings them down with him every single time.

The man gets close to redemption when he comes face to face with Stephanie (Kate Hudson), a perky Vogue reporter eager to offer him an exclusive, if you know what I mean. Guido takes a smell of the apple, but he doesn’t bite.

Alas, by the time this encounter takes place, our hero has become so unlikable I could care less what or who he did.

And the lack of songs as songs, not rhythmic testimonials, well...it doesn’t help the movie’s case. Only Fergie and her “Be Italian,” and Hudson with the aforementioned “Cinema Italiano,” a pop-y confection that’s not even lyrically rich, fare well. (Hudson channels Laugh-In-era Goldie Hawn with delight, so that’s fun.)

It’s a bit of a shame, really, that such top-shelf talent didn’t have better material to sing and dance, get up and do their thng to. Nine is a grand production, but I can’t help but wonder what Marshall & Co. could’ve done with a more popular starting point.

My Rating **1/2

Photo: The Weinstein Company.

M.I.L.F. $ Rising

And the Song of Summer 2016 race just got Fergd.

As in Fergie Fergd.

Meaning Fergie just entered the fray with a new ditty – her first in two years – titled “M.I.L.F. $” (pronounced “M.I.L.F. Money,” with “M.I.L.F.” standing in for “Moms I’d Like to Follow”).

The...ahem...song even came with a highly stylized ready-to-share star-studded video featuring a bunch of MILFs, including Kim Kardashian, Chrissy Teigen, Ciara, Alessandra Ambrosio, Amber Valletta, and Spanish pin-up boy Jon Kortajarena.

Check it out:



More Fergie, btw, is imminent.

Fergie’s Back

The Black Eyed Peas are taking their sweet ol’ time coming out with some new music – Fergie is gonna do what she do on her own again.

Indeed, the singer is back on the scene as a solo act with a new single titled “L.A. Love (La La),” a DJ Mustard-produced song that, thanks to its call-outs to numerous cities around the world, is just begging for play.

Have a listen.

The title and drop date for Fergie’s sophomore solo effort remains TBD, but her new ditty is now on the iTunes, so go and get, if it’s your cup of musical tea.

Photo: GotCeleb.com.

Singing and Dancing Like a Ho

Fergie has been cast as Saraghina in Rob Marshall’s Nine, a big-screen adaptation of the Tony Award-winning musical. The Black Eyed Pea will perform the saucy song “Be Italian” with Guido, played by Daniel Day-Lewis.

“She’s basically a prostitute on the beach,” Fergie recently said. “She introduces him to the world of sexuality. It’s a very strong song. I’m just thrilled I get to play a character. I’m singing, but I’m not singing as myself. I’m going to be singing as a character, and that’s what's really exciting to me.”

Fergie joins Day-Lewis, Marion Cotillard (La Vie en Rose), Penélope Cruz, Nicole Kidman, Kate Hudson, Judi Dench, and Sophia Loren in the film, which is set to begin production in October. She previously appeared in Poseidon and Grindhouse.

“I’m speechless,” she said of the opportunity to work with the film’s A-list talent. “I’m definitely going to be a sponge on set. I want to pick up on everything that all these brilliant actors are bringing to the table. I’m probably going to be the quietest that I’ve ever been while working just because I want to watch and learn.”

Smart girl.

Photo: Worth1000.com.

Marty, Marty, Marty

While I was at the hottest pre-Super Bowl party on South Beach on Feb. 3, The Departed’s Martin Scorsese (pictured at right, with presenters Steven Spielberg and Leonardo DiCaprio) was picking up his first Directors Guild of America Award in Los Angeles.

About freakin’ time, wouldn’t you say? I hope this means that the always-a-nominee-never-a-winner director will finally pick his first Academy Award at the 79th annual edition of the Oscars on Feb. 25.

But, anyway, about that pre-Super Bowl party…I’ve already shared a little bit with a friend, but here’s a little more.

The star-studded MarketAmerica.com/Ocean Drive Magazine/Pontiac party on Ocean Drive featured a performance by Marc Anthony with special guest Jennifer Lopez, preceded by a two-song (“London Bridge” and “Fergalicious”) warm-up by my new favorite diva, Fergie, who could not have been nicer to me on the red carpet.

Fergie told me she was quite proud the erstwhile Jenny from the Block is releasing a Spanish-language record. She also told me that although there are no plans for her to put out one, it is something she would like to try if she “can get the accent right.”

Later, Anthony and Lopez took to the stage and dazzled their audience and on-lookers with their chemistry and moves. She, needless to say, stole the show – and he let her. I particularly enjoyed their duet “No Me Ames,” which they sealed with a kiss.

Also there, in the beyond VIP area by the stage, were Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Fergie’s boyfriend, Josh Duhamel, Scarlett Johansson (whom I saw scurry by unnoticed while photographers and reporters paid a ridiculous amount of attention to the Hogan clan), the Black Eyed Peas’ will.i.am, as well as DJ AM, Billy Bush (TV’s Access Hollywood), Madonna’s BFF Ingrid Casares, Jerry Bruckheimer, Gloria Estefan, N’SYNC’s Joey Fatone, NASCAR champ Jeff Gordon, Stacy Keibler and her boyfriend, actor Geoff Stults (TV’s 7th Heaven), Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart, Marlee Matlin, Tara Reid, and Pauly Shore.

The night was capped by a spectacular fireworks show…and by a stop at the Penthouse magazine Goin’ Deep Super Party for Snoop Dogg’s – ahem – spirited performance.

There, I saw Paris and Nicky Hilton saunter in and out around 2:15 a.m. The latter led the way and looked rather mortified, to say the least (I guess she doesn’t enjoy crowds), while the “Stars Are Blind” singer pretended to be on the phone and looked down to avoid being checked out.

What's with the shy, girlfriend?

Photo: DGA.org.

When Did Fergie Become Such a Joke?

First Alanis Morissette paid homage to the Black Eyed Peas’ “My Humps.”

Now two Miami girls – I think they’re from Miami – have gone and come up with a fraktastically hilarious take on “Fergalicious.”

I’ll be the first to admit that I often have thought that Fergie’s like, the poor man’s Gwen Stefani. Kind of like how Nicollette Sheridan’s the poor man’s Kim Cattrall, who’s like, the poor man’s Sharon Stone.

But the girl is as sweet as pie – and, really, she’s doing her own thing, and doing it quite well.

Perhaps it’s not the most original thing, but who’s original anymore, anyway? At least she has her own style, which is more than a lot of starletbots and pop tarts ever could say.

Not for nothing, but every time she comes around, my London, London bridge, wanna go down. And I likey.

Photo: RollingStone.com.

The Sound of the End of Cancer

I was listening to Top 40 this morning (I heart it, deal with it) when they played “Just Stand Up” the latest from 15 of the hottest female singers in the world – including Beyoncé, Mariah Carey, Rihanna, Fergie, and Carrie Underwood.

The singers came together for the single, a collaboration that also features Mary J. Blige, Sheryl Crow, Miley Cyrus, Melissa Etheridge, and Leona Lewis, that was conceived by “L.A.” Reid, who produced it with Babyface.

“Just Stand Up” will benefit next month’s Stand Up to Cancer television event’s fund-raising drive.

So stand up and donate. The star-studded special will air on Sept. 5 on ABC, CBS, Fox, and NBC, at 8 p.m.

Photo: HardCandyMusic.com.

Update: This special is going to be strictly A-List. Check out who will be attending: Halle Berry, Ellen DeGeneres, Jennifer Garner, Mandy Moore, Jack Black, Jimmy Fallon, Fran Drescher, Elizabeth Edwards, Neil Patrick Harris, Masi Oka, Christina Ricci, Rob Lowe, Meryl Streep, Abigail Breslin, Josh Brolin, Salma Hayek, and Homer and Marge Simpson, among many others.

Oh, and Fox is not involved. My bad.

Ciao, Donne!

The hit musical Nine is coming to a movie theater near you this holiday season, and here’s your first look at what to expect from the Rob Marshall-directed, Daniel Day-Lewis-starring film:



The star-packed song-and-dance-happy Nine features – get ready – Judi Dench, Marion Cotillard, Sophia Loren, Nicole Kidman, Kate Hudson, Penélope Cruz, and Fergie. It opens on Nov. 25.

I cannot wait!

The Great Soundtrack

I don’t gotta tell you that the world perked up when it heard that Baz Luhrmann had tapped Jay-Z to score his upcoming Great Gatsby film.

Well, the soundtrack – featuring Beyoncé (natch), Fergie, Jack White, Florence Welch, Lana Del Rey, The xx, and Mr. Z himself – sounds amazing.

Click here to sample some of that Gatsby sound.

And be there on May 10 to watch Leo & Co. dazzle you on the silver screen the Luhrmann way.

Photo: Amazon.com.

CB Radio

I’ve never given Chris Brown much thought.

I enjoy his music – but it’s not like it’s my favorite – and it’s quite obvious he has charisma.

But by golly if I haven’t been thinking about him lately….

Brown is releasing a new album, Exclusive: The Forever Edition, and the lead single “Forever” is driving me mad – in a good way – because it reminds me of…well, that’s what I don’t know.

Beyond catchy, “Forever” was produced by Polow da Don (Fergie’s “London Bridge”), and blends dance, pop, and R&B. It’s got a little “Better Off Alone” by Alice Deejay and a little…what?

By the Hammer of Thor, I have it on the tip of my tongue.

Photo: StarPulse.com.

The Baby Pea Is Here!

Let’s hear it for new parents Fergie and Josh Duhamel!

Their son Axl Jack – what...a semi-normal name! – was born in L.A. yesterday.

I’ve got a feeling that that’s gonna be one rockin’ kid.

Photo: UsMagazine.com.

Their Lovely Baby Bump

Josh Duhamel and Fergie are expecting, y’all.

Just thought some of you might wanna know.

Awww!

Photo: UsMagazine.com.

MC the Idol

Alright – what’s happening? Is anyone else a little concerned that all these big music superstars (J. Lo, Adam, Christina, Britney, MJB) are turning to the tube for gigs? No?

I can’t be standing alone, right.

Work is work, I s’ppose, but it does kinda make me wonder about just how bad the music industry is doing that the talent is looking elsewhere for a way to occupy themselves – and think about just how shoddy the landscape is looking, quality-wise (there is some craptastic, repetitive, albeit catchy s--- out there) that these A-Listers are, I dunno, uninspired.

The latest one to come with a case of Judgitis is Mariah Carey.

Yes, MC, dahlings.

The diva reportedly is thisclose to signing on to become a judge on the 12th season of TV’s American Idol now that Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez are off the show. Carey is said to be commanding a cool $17 million to grace the competition with her presence (which is to be shot from the most flattering angle only, thankyouverymuch). That’s a lot of cake!

Btw, Adam Lambert and Fergie are also rumored as potential new judges, while Randy Jackson is said to be vacating his seat at the judges tables to take on a mentor role at the show.

Photo: InStyle.com.

Update: It’s like that, y’all: MC is doing it, for something between $12 million and $17 million.

Actress-Cum-Singer

All Gossip Girl’s Leighton Meester, a.k.a. Queen Bee Blair, wants to do now is sing – and she wants us to listen up.

Meester will spend some of her summer in the recording studio, where she’s working on her debut album, which is due this fall (her first single is slated for July).

The actress, who cites Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, Debbie Harry, Gwen Stefani, and Fergie as inspirations, says she always wanted to sing.“I remember I was in the grocery store with my mom when I was little and I heard ‘I Will Always Love You,’” she recently told EW.com. “I must have been 3 or 4, and I went, ‘Mom, that made my back tingle.’ She was like, ‘That’s what music is supposed to do.’ I loved it.”

Here’s to hoping we’ll like your sound.

Photo: EW.com.

Sex-y Music

Sex and the City director Michael Patrick King is kissing and is telling – about the movie’s soundtrack, that is.

King has told EW.com that Fergie has recorded the movie’s opening number, “Labels & Love,” and that co-star Jennifer Hudson, who plays Carrie’s assistant, has recorded a ballad titled “All Dressed Up in Love,” which shall play over the end credits.

“She sings it like nobody’s business,” he said.

Sex and the City opens on May 30. Cosmos for everyone!

Photo: New Line Cinema.

When Miley Met Britney

We are a week away from the official release of Miley Cyrus’ Bangerz – but we already know she can’t stop and that she can come in like a wrecking ball.

Now here’s your first listen at La Cyrus’ collaboration with none other than Ms. Britney Spears.

The song is called “SMS (Bangerz),” and I. Am. Liking it.

Totally appreciate the samples I’m hearing, too. I totally get the “Push It”-ness of it all, and it also gets me thinking a little bit of Fergie’s “Labels or Love,” her song for the soundtrack of the first Sex and the City movie.

Photo: EW.com.

The Sound of Sex

The Sex and the City movie still is 37 days away, but Fergie’s contribution to the soundtrack, “Labels & Love,” which serves as the movie’s opening number, is here now.

Do we likey?

Photo: PJLightHouse.com.

To the Nine!

The first cast photo from the upcoming musical Nine, directed by Rob Marshall (Chicago), has been released, and it looks quite sexy.

Featuring a star-studded cast that includes Judi Dench, Marion Cotillard, Sophia Loren, Nicole Kidman, Kate Hudson, Penélope Cruz, and Fergie, Nine stars Daniel Day-Lewis as Guido Contini, a world famous film director struggling with his latest project and the numerous women in his life.

The film – currently shooting in England and Italy – is set to be released next December.

Photo: UsMagazine.com.

Peas Time

The Black Eyed Peas released their new album, The E.N.D., yesterday, and to mark the occasion, the band stopped by the Late Show with David Letterman.

The E.N.D., btw, doesn’t stand for anything other than The Energy Never Dies, so don’t be thinking that will.i.am, Fergie, Taboo, and apl.de.ap are splitting up.

Actually, the Black Eyed Peas would be foolish do such a thing. Their first single off The E.N.D., “Boom Boom Pow,” was a massive hit, and as you can see from their performance on Letterman, they’ll have another hit in “I Gotta Feeling.”

I love their new more unabashed club-y sound.

Photo: EW.com.

Feeling the Zsa Zsa Zsu

These are interesting times we’re living in, huh.

Posh is disappearing before our eyes in the name of I don’t know what (somebody feed this woman a potato pronto!), the weather is going all Day After Tomorrow on us (just whose fault is that?), and astronauts are living real-life Lifetime movies (and surely cashing in on it).

And hateration seems to be everywhere, unfortunately.

These days you can’t turn on the TV without seeing a report of yet another public figure sticking their foot in their mouth. Hatin’ on the blacks, hatin’ on the gays, hatin’ on the whomevers…it appears to be the It thing to do, only surpassed by the subsequent outrage.

Y’all know what I’m talking about, so I won’t even dignify or perpetuate the cycle by linking to those nasty, nasty reports. I will say, however, that none of it makes me feel the zsa zsa zsu.

Thank goodness for the little things – for the people – that do.

• Exhibit A is Lily Allen, whose uplifting singing makes me smile these days. (Her deliciously catty lyrics are something else, altogether...and I love'em, too.)
• Exhibit B is Fergie, although please, please, P-L-E-A-S-E no more spelling on the next record, OK. (I blame Camille Paglia for this clever, yet annoying trend, for no other reason that she spelled every other word, W-O-R-D, at a lecture she gave in Miami last fall, a good several weeks before I first heard “Fergalicious” and “Glamorous,” which both spell, S-P-E-L-L, lyrics like it’s going out of style.)
• Exhibit C is Shonda Rhimes’s writing, particularly in last night’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Tears formed behind my eyes all throughout the last 15 minutes of part 2 of her three-episode arc. Oh to the My to the God, Shonda Rhimes. What are you doing to my heart!
• Exhibit D is Wednesday’s Desmond-centric episode of Lost. Trippiest. Episode. Ever. What is going on over there? And why aren’t you watching?
• Exhibit E is the news that Keri Russell is now married. Awww....

Photo: CusickPortal.ch-br.net.