The Directorial Process

Y’ know, I wanted to like Rob Marshall’s Nine.

No…I wanted to love it.

Instead, I kinda could’ve lived without it.

The movie, which I anticipated so because of its A-List cast (there’s Marion! Penélope! Fergie! Kate! Nicole! Sophia!), is based on a Broadway musical that’s in turn based on Federico Fellini’s 8 ½…so it’s not like, something new.

You could say that Marshall’s Oscar-winning Chicago wa’n’t anything new, either, but at least that film featured classic, catchy songs – I have the soundtrack that proves it.

Name one song from Nine.

Yeah – I didn’t think so. You may be able to after you see the movie, but the irony will be the one you remember will probably be “Cinema Italiano,” a new original song written for Kate Hudson’s character. But more on that later.

In Nine, Daniel Day-Lewis plays Guido Contini, a “Maestro” of Italian cinema suffering of a big bad case of the writer’s block that’s rendered him unable to begin production on his ninth film, an ambitious epic called Italia. He has no script, no outline, no anything, you see. All he has is a title, a supportive, if pushy producer, and his longtime muse, Claudia (Nicole Kidman, looking statuesque in that peculiar way of hers these days...but softer) attached to star.

It’s such a dire situation his confidante, his costume designer, Lilli (Judi Dench), is making him all kinds of genre-spanning pieces in the hope that perhaps she’ll be able to offer some sort of inspiration. And that something will stick, no doubt.

Looking to escape all the pressures of an industry that awaits with breath that is bated, Guido leaves the famed Cinecittà studios in Rome for a ritzy spa on the coast where he is to indulge in some semblance of anonimity...and the comfortable care of his mistress, Carla (Penélope Cruz, all effective fire and smolder).

That’s another of the Maestro’s problems: he doesn’t pay any mind to what he does. In his rush to bury his head in the sand and Carla’s buxom, Guido has forgotten he’s married to he lovely Louisa (Marion Cotillard, who makes being taken for granted look good), a former up-and-comer who gave it all up to become Mrs. Contini.

He leads a complicated life, our Guido, but most of his travails are self-imposed. I think the premise of Nine is that the women in his life – which also include his beloved late Mamma (Sophia Loren) and Saraghina (Fergie, who gained close to 20 lbs. for the role), the whore he visited as a child – complicate his life, but it’s fairly obvious he does a good job at it on his own...and brings them down with him every single time.

The man gets close to redemption when he comes face to face with Stephanie (Kate Hudson), a perky Vogue reporter eager to offer him an exclusive, if you know what I mean. Guido takes a smell of the apple, but he doesn’t bite.

Alas, by the time this encounter takes place, our hero has become so unlikable I could care less what or who he did.

And the lack of songs as songs, not rhythmic testimonials, well...it doesn’t help the movie’s case. Only Fergie and her “Be Italian,” and Hudson with the aforementioned “Cinema Italiano,” a pop-y confection that’s not even lyrically rich, fare well. (Hudson channels Laugh-In-era Goldie Hawn with delight, so that’s fun.)

It’s a bit of a shame, really, that such top-shelf talent didn’t have better material to sing and dance, get up and do their thng to. Nine is a grand production, but I can’t help but wonder what Marshall & Co. could’ve done with a more popular starting point.

My Rating **1/2

Photo: The Weinstein Company.