B-B-B-Bad Bad to the Bone

Alright, so…I Know Who Killed Me.

Also known as the stripper movie Lindsay Lohan made while completing Rehab 1.0, this is a terrible, laughable thriller that sees the peace and quiet of a small town disturbed when a sadistic serial killer abducts his latest victim, Aubrey Fleming (L2), a bright and promising student.

But...after the young woman manages to escape, she comes to in the hospital and insists she isn’t whom everyone thinks she is…that she is Dakota Moss, a stripper from the wrong side of the tracks…and that the real Aubrey Fleming’s still in mortal danger.

Going by that description, I Know Who Killed Me sounds half-decent, right?

Well, it’s far from it; the movie’s bad to the sawed off bone – preposterously so.

I can’t imagine what attracted Lohan to this project. Was it the gratuitous gore? Or maybe it was the opportunity to play a more “grown-up” character? Or perhaps it was the phenomenally you’ve-got-to-be-frakkin’-joking explanation? Whatever it was, you owe me $9.75, Linds.

Hey, I’ll chalk this one up to your being, say, not all there when you signed on the dotted line if you promise me a few things: Get and stay healthy and out of trouble; get yourself a real manager and a better publicist; get work that is worthy of your talent.

And if director Chris Sivertson calls you for another go, hang up the phone.

My Rating *

Photo: TriStar Pictures.