What Is Going on Now, Linds?

It was bound to happen. Lindsay Lohan’s in some drama again.

I know, right?

The actress expat reportedly had police at her London flat over the weekend, to handle a nasty-sounding altercation between her and her fiancé Egor Tarabasov (click here for some video – because, of course, there is video). Evidently, La Lohan alleged on social media or whatever, that Tarabasov had “strangled” her early Saturday morning. Except when police got to the apartment, neither one of them was there. 

Authorities did manage to track down L2 and Tarabasov and ensure both were safe.

No word on whether either was, y’ know, sound.

Something tells me this one’s gonna have legs.

Photo: ETOnline.com.

Update: And, obviously, Linds asked that her privacy be respected hours after this bit of news broke.

Which is rich, since so many details have been aired like dirty laundry on her own social media channels.

President Lohan?

Aw...cute.

Lindsay Lohan thinks she’s got Kanye quality and announced earlier this weekend that she, too, could be mulling a run for the American presidency in 2020.

Ahem, how ’bout we focus on like, getting a job again? Like, a solid, honest-to-goodness, acting job that we take seriously, Linds. Then we can talk about silly things without actually sounded silly, just funny, you know?

Photo: Instagram.com/lindsaylohan.

Danceophobic

So this is what Lindsay Lohan’s doing on Duran Duran’s next record, Paper Gods.

La Lohan is having a little spoken-word moment on the album, on a track called “Danceophobia.”

“She asked to be part of it, texting Simon [Le Bon], and we thought, actually, there is one spot where we needed someone to do a little role play for us,” Nick Rhodes, the band’s keyboardist, has revealed.

Cute.

Paper Gods is due to drop on Sept. 11.

Photo: GettyImages.com.

Lindsay’s Fresh Start

And how did y’all spend your twenties?

Lindsay Lohan, who spent the better year of hers in and out of lock-up situations and in countless probations days, is finally done with all of her legal obligations.

An L.A. Superior Court judge ruled yesterday that L2 has completed her 125-hour community-service sentence from a 2012 car crash, an impressive feat considering girlfriend was lagging there for a minute.

“Clean slate. Fresh star,” La Lohan said on Instagram after getting the good news.

Do not f--- this up, girl.

Photo: TooFab.com.

Calamity Linds Is Revving Back Again!

And here we were thinking that her legal problems were over....

An L.A. Superior Court judge has put Lindsay Lohan on blast, telling her lawyer yesterday that the so-called actress has to complete the remaining 116 hours of her 125-hour community-service sentence – from a 2012 car crash – by May 28 (original target date: last February!), at the Brooklyn Community Center, or else.

Or else jail time!

What is this, two years ago?

Ah, but La Lohan had an excuse – you know, as she always does. Her lawyer told the court that while L2 now lives in London, she’s still jobless after appearing on a West End staging of Speed-the-Plow last year, and, thus, she simply cannot afford the car service she’s need to get to the far-away service organization of her choice.

Uh, pick som’in’ else? And how is she affording all those fabulous clothes she keeps Instagramming, not to mention living in the not-cheap British capital, anyway?

Ridikolous, party of one.

Photo: DailyMail.co.uk.

Girl In the Studio

Well there’s a good sure way to get people talking about you and your work again for a change, Lindsay Lohan....

L2 had people wondering whether she is getting back into the music scene earlier this week, when she Instragrammed a pic of herself in the company of her sister Ali and...Duran Duran.

La Lohan rather smartly captioned the pic, “recording with some greats!!!”

Duran Duran are reportedly recording a new album, so I guess this is a...maybe?

Photo: Instagram.com/lindsaylohan.

Nostalgia, Pt. 48

Plastics 4ever!

Can you believe it has been more than a decade now since we first fell head over heels for Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls? Since we discovered the knows-few-bounds talent of Rachel McAdams in the Tina Fey-written hit and cult comedy? Since Lacey Chabert resurfaced for a moment of zeitgeist-y bliss, and since Amanda Seyfried last played a third banana to anyone?

Crazy, right?

Ten years later, the cast of Mean Girls has been reassembled for a very special issue of Entertainment Weekly (on stands later this week).

And all I can think is...this. Is. So fetch!

Photo: EW.com.

For F---in’ Real, Girl?

And why are we am I surprised?

Lindsay Lohan reportedly has been put on blast – what...a shocker – by the producers of this West End staging of David Mamet’s Speed-the-Plow that she’s meant to be a part of in November October, due to poor behavior.

Word on the Web is L2 has been showing up to rehearsals late and unprepared, not to mention partying a lot in London (and getting into public imbroglios with Kate Moss).

So, in other words, the usual.

Ridikolous.

Er.

Photo: WestEndFrame.com.

Update: So La Lohan’s rep (she still has one?) said on July 10 that this is impossible, that Linds could not have missed any rehearsals because rehearsals for Speed-the-Plow have not even begun yet.

Touché. If that’s the case.

Further, girlfriend herself pledged, during a July 11 interview with BBC News, that it’s like, no, motherf---ers, messing up is “not in the cards. It’s not.”

Alrighty then. We shall see.

Break a leg, girl.

Lindsay to Do London

Madonna did it, and now so is Lindsay Lohan.

Nah, I’m not talking about being a superstar with enduring power. I’m talking about exercising the role of Karen in David Mamet’s satirical play Speed-the-Plow.

Guess L2 really wants to remind us that she is, indeed, an actress, after all, for she is planning – right now...at this time – to hit the boards of London’s West End in November.

Doing Mamet, which I have never understood to be easy.

Speed-the-Plow sure doesn’t sound like it is (I am not an actor – maybe it is a walk in the park). But, I mean, the play is basically three long scenes about Hollywood execs who dream of making it big in the industry and how they weigh making money vs. making actually good, worthwhile art.

The material is beyond-rich in dialogue. We talkin’ rapid-fire talk, talk, talking. And, evidently, Linds may need a certain level of guile to perform a part that often has been criticized for being too simple and, perhaps, more than a little bit objectified.

Ah, La Lohan will be fine.

Like, push come to shove she can always cite mercury poisoning or whatever and quit the show.

Photo: Instagram.com/lindsaylohan.

Almost a Mother

Evidently, this coulda been the year Lindsay Lohan became...a mother?

That is, of course, if you believe La Lohan’s claim that she had a miscarriage last fall, something that she revealed on the finale of her OWN docu-series Lindsay last night.

“It’s a really long story, but that’s why on the show when it says [I didn’t] want to come down [and shoot...be on camera], I couldn’t move. I was sick.” 

Right. Alright then.

I mean...what do you say when someone plays that card, right?

Photo: CelebMafia.com.

Relapsed...and Relapsed?

So I was getting to the grocery store yesterday afternoon when it occurred to me, after taking a look-see at Lindsay Lohan’s Instagram, that Oprah is a dummy.

And that L2 looks like she’s getting scary-skinny again (those arms!).

Allow me to divide and conquer.

First...uh...why is Oprah not rerunning and marathoning the s--- outta Lindsay on OWN? The Big O can’t possibly expect us to choose to watch that train wreck situation over, say, The Good Wife or now Game of Thrones, right? I mean, any time I check OWN on Mondays it’s Dr. Phil’s show for hours on end, but no Lindsay repeats whatsoever. WTF!

Moving on to my second, more pressing point....

What...is L2 doing to herself these days? To my eye, she is looking hella thin again. Kinda like she did post-Herbie: Fully Loaded. And we know what was going on with her (and into her system – allegedly!) back then. Do we need to worry (yet again)?

I can’t imagine she’s looking this bony because of pole yoga/meditation. And girlfriend did just cop to falling off the wagon, albeit briefly, after rehab last year.

Ay yi yi.

Photo: Instagram.com/lindsaylohan.

Argh! Lindsay Makes Oprah Cuss!

For real, Lindsay?

Like, you are not seriously challenging fackin’ Oprah!

That was my gut reaction when I saw the first official trailer for Lindsay, Lindsay Lohan’s OWN docu-series, which is premiering this weekend.

Yeah, the clip shows L2 sounding candidly aware of her situation (I have to wonder if she ever calls out her addictions for what they are) – but it also shows her wallowing in her own self-made drama, with a dash of Dina Lohan BS and the tease of a confrontation with Michael Lohan thrown in for good measure.

But the real shocker kicker is La Lohan makes her Oprah cuss – “cut the bulls---,” girl, “I really do want you to win”! – because she doesn’t seem to have adhered to the O way during production, and more importantly, because she – gasp! – seems to not have taken her recovery as seriously as she should have for a while there (her sober coach is featured in the trailer…and his silence when he is asked if Linds is sober is beyond-telling).

The drama!

Watch it all unfold beginning on March 9.

Photo: Instagram.com/lindsaylohan.

Update 1: Well, it can’t be all that bad. L2 has just booked a guesting gig on TV’s 2 Broke Girls.

Look for her on the show on April 14.

Update 2: Who say this one coming?

Lindsay Lohan thinks Lindsay jacks up the drama in the name of ratings.

Of course she does.

The Spring of Lindsay

In case you were wondering, too, that eagerly awaited – ha! – Lindsay Lohan docu-series that OWN decided last year to give us is like, totally happening.

Lindsay is set to premiere on March 9.

Are you ready, world?

Photo: EW.com.

La Lohan Writes Her Life

’Cause, y’ know…it’s so easy everybody can do it.

Lindsay Lohan is said to be in the process of becoming an author.

That is, of course, when she is not like, acting allegedly egging on thug-like acts.

L2 reportedly is in the early stages of writing a tell-all book about her all-too-well-chronicled life.

Does anyone else think La Lohan is kinda not on Oprah control anymore?

Photo: OhNoTheyDidnt.LiveJournal.com.

Simply Irresistible, Pt. 90

Lindsay Lohan’s back – and now so is her face and her invites to A-List events.

We are getting there, Linds! ’Cause we’re livin’ la vida #nomorefillersandbadstuff.

And it suits ya.

I mean, as you can see, La Lohan was aglow as she attended last night’s New York City premiere of Madonna and H-O-T photograher Steven Klein’s (pictured here with L2) #secretprojectrevolution.

Good goin’, girl!

Photo: HuffingtonPost.com.

Upbound & Good

Now this is what I’m talking about, Lindsay Lohan.

I didn’t include work in my five-point approach for Linds’ next chapter, because they say you shouldn’t overwhelm yourself during the first year of your recovery, but, hey...if she’s up for it.

L2 already knocked it out of the park subbing for Chelsea Handler on E!, and she’s still got her big Oprah interview coming up this weekend, and she’s still making smart choices, which is a feat in of itself.

So, hot on the heels of her better-than-in-recent-memory reviews for The Canyons, La Lohan is dipping her toes back into acting with a guesting gig on the fourth and final season of HBO’s Eastbound & Down, playing the grown-up version of Kenny Powers’ (the awesome Danny McBride) illegitimate daughter.

“back@work,” she told the world a couple of days ago. “So grateful.”

Keep it up, girl!

Photo: Instagram.com/lindsaylohan.

Update: Well, this clearly means Lindsay means business: She has launched a brand new website that is all about her and, better yet, about what is yet to come.

I think we are finally at the dawn of a new era.

And I likey.

Lindsay Does Oprah

“The uploader has not made this video available in your country.”

Words that I have come to loathe in my Peruvian exile, especially right now that I cannot preview Lindsay Lohan’s big Oprah interview, which is airing on OWN on Aug. 18.

From what I can see, though, L2 is looking bettah than evah she has in a looong time.

Get it girl!

Update: Thank goodness for Perez Hilton.

There’s something I never ever thought I’d say.

Thanks to the gossip blogger I am now dying over the big question Oprah asks La Lohan during their sit-down: “Are you an addict?”

Can’t wait to hear the answer.

5 Ideas for Life After Rehab, Linds

And she’s out.

Lindsay Lohan left her (latest) court-mandated 90-day rehab stint yesterday, and now that I see this pic of L2, all glowy smiles as she left the Malibu center in which she was working on herself, I cannot help but feel hopeful.

I know – Glutton for Punishment Alert!

All kidding aside, I guess there’s still a part of me that’s rooting for this girl, no matter how hard it tries to quit her.

So here are a few unsolicited suggestion that I believe could help La Lohan keep it together and reclaim her rightful place among respectable Hollywood folk:

1. Fire Dina Lohan. She don’t need to be your manager, she needs to be your mom (and do a heckuva lot better job at that one that she seemingly has so far).

2. Keep Michael Lohan at bay, but don’t freeze him out. He’s your dad, girl – he ain’t goin’ nowhere. Have a frank hear-to-heart with the man, tell him you appreciate his intentions but hate his methods. Last chance.

3. Audit a college class. Something easy, like a language. At a small institution – don’t get fancy. Be among real people for a change.

4. Stay out of the clubs. They obviously haven’t done you any favors. All those rumors you sang about, they got started with you running in those circles. 

5. Get a Netflix account. House of Cards and Orange Is the New Black are really, really good distractions.

You already have a couple of things keeping you busy – subbing for Chelsea Handler, sitting down with Oprah. Don’t bite on anything more than you can chew. It’s not a race. Show ’em/us you’re trying and meaning it little by little.

If you rebuild it, they/we will come.

Photo: UsMagazine.com.

Update 1: Just a day after leaving rehab, Linds was slapped with some additional mandatory time, but it’s a good thing.

Per a medical recommendation, a judge ruled that L2 needs to complete an additional 15 months of therapy – so through November of next year, at least – to prevent “almost certain failure” for the actress on the road up ahead.

Update 2: Click here for a preview of La Lohan’s Chelsea Lately gig.

Girlfriend looks and sounds good.

Hope she keeps it up. ’Cause that the Linds I heart. (She just really, really needs to not call her dermatologist for any more fillers and that kinda stuff. Ever!)