The Artemisia of War

Sullivan Stapleton is no Gerard Butler (not that there’s anything wrong with that). And the camera loves Eva Green.

Those are the important lessons I learned watching – not in unnecessary 3-D – the prequel-sequel to Zack Snyder’s 300, 300: Rise of an Empire.

The movie’s yet another visual treat. Oh-so-stylized and beyond-packed with phenomenal pecs and abs too unreal to believe, and too sexy not to look at (to the detriment of anything in the way of like, y’ know, actually following the story, which unfolds before, during, and after the events of the first film).

We see that before Spartan King Leonidas (Butler) and his men held their own at Thermopylae, Xerxes (a returning Rodrigo Santoro), the God-King of Persia was the chump son of King Darius, killed in battle by the Athenian archon Themistocles (the strapping Stapleton, from Cinemax’s Strike Back). Xerxes was remade by Artemisia (a ferocious Green) into the imposing figure we met previously as a means for her to get her revenge against the Greeks, who did unspeakable things to her as a child, and to avenge her king, of course (’cause Darius favored her over Xerxes).

We see Artemisia take to the Aegean Sea to bring her wrath to Greece, which stands splintered, much to the chagrin of Themistocles, a uniter who seeks Leonidas’ help in defeating their common enemy. Too bad he is disdainfully told, by Queen Gorgo of Sparta (Lena Headey, from HBO’s Game of Thrones), that Leonidas is fine going at it alone…and that Athenians should tend to their house on their own.

Big mistake, as we found out in 300.

And we see what ensued for Themistocles and his men: epic naval engagements that, sure, give the ones on land from the first film a run for their money but become repetitious after a while.

300: Rise of an Empire probably will be another hit, and it will be so because of its enticing production values, none better or more non-CGI-real than Green, much to the woe, I am sure, of Stapleton. She is the movie. She commands it as if it were her own armada, and it is at its indisputably best when she is on screen (sorry, S2 – you know I like ya), all raven-haired and smokey-eyed in her murderous and sultry McQueen-esque leather-and-gold ensembles.

She puts the art in Artemisia’s situation, which in turn puts the good in the movie. So check it out for all of its obviousness, but enjoy for Green, OKRRR.

My Rating **1/2

Photo: Warner Bros.