And You Can Bite on It, For Inspiration

Madonna’s upcoming album has an official title, and it is…Hard Candy.

The record, which includes the previously leaked (and renamed) “Candy Store,” will be released on April 29.

Madonna, her longtime rep Liz Rosenberg told EW.com exclusively, chose to stick with the sweet theme because, “she loves candy.”

I bet she does.

“[Hard Candy]’s about the juxtaposition of tough and sweetness, or as Madonna so eloquently expressed, ‘I’m gonna kick your ass, but it’s going to make you feel good.’”

The first single, the also renamed “4 Minutes,” featuring Justin Timberlake (and Timbaland), will be out at the end of March.

They totally should perform it at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony on March 10.

Photo: RareRecords.com.au.

2006: The Year in Review

What a fun year. Whether I was writing about movies (or my big-screen stories as I fondly refer to’em sometimes), music (oh-so-t-t-t-t-t-tasty, tasty in 2006), or TV (I heart TiVo), one thing remained a constant this year: There was plenty to keep me busy – and that’s always a good thing.

So here’s a review of the year that was. Happy 2007, everyone!

Best 2005 Leftovers: Little Fish and The World’s Fastest Indian

Best Action Sequence: The foot chase in Casino Royale

Best Butt-kicking Babe: Keri Russell (Mission: Impossible III)

Best Chemistry: Daniel Craig and Eva Green (Casino Royale)

Best Hair and Costumes: Marie Antoinette

Best Movie Line: Samuel L. Jackson’s “I have had it with these motherf---ing snakes on this motherf---ing plane!” in Snakes on a Plane

Best Poster: Nacho Libre

Best Soundtrack: Marie Antoinette

Best Trailer: Marie Antoinette

Best Prop: Little Miss Sunshine’s broken-down yellow VW bus

Best Use of Magical Thinking: The Illusionist and The Prestige

Best Use of Lindsay Lohan: A Prairie Home Companion, Bobby

Worst Use of Lindsay Lohan: Just My Luck

Biggest Scene-stealer: The Devil Wears Prada’s Emily Blunt

Can't Get Enough – Female: Amy Sedaris (Strangers with Candy)

Can't Get Enough – Male: Patrick Wilson (Hard Candy, Little Children)

Sexiest Female(s): Women of a certain age (American Dreamz’s Shohreh Aghdashloo, The Last Kiss’ Blythe Danner, The Queen’s Helen Mirren)

Sexiest Male: Casino Royale's Daniel Craig

Guiltiest Pleasures: Luke (My Super Ex-Girlfriend) and Owen (You, Me and Dupree) Wilson

Most Committed: Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan) and Amy Sedaris (Strangers with Candy)

Most Devilish: Meryl Streep (The Devil Wears Prada)

Most Disappointing: Miami Vice

Most Disturbingly Hilarious: The hairy naked wrestling in Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

Most Impressive Ensemble in an Otherwise Unimpressive Film: Bobby's Harry Belafonte, Emilio Estevez, Anthony Hopkins, Helen Hunt, Lindsay Lohan, William H. Macy, Demi Moore, Freddy Rodriguez, Christian Slater, Sharon Stone, and Elijah Wood, among others

Most Original: Stranger Than Fiction

Most Photogenic Duo: Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker (Failure to Launch)

Most Polarizing Crowd-pleasers: Summer Blockbusters (X-Men: The Last Stand, The Da Vinci Code, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, Superman Returns)

Most Promising: J.J. Abrams (director of Mission: Impossible III)

Most Revelatory: Penélope Cruz (Volver)

Most Surprising Star of the Year: Al Gore (An Inconvenient Truth)

Most Underrated: The Break-Up

Breakthrough Performance – Female: Ellen Page (Hard Candy, X-Men: The Last Stand)

Breakthrough Performance – Male: Brandon Routh (Superman Returns)

Thanks – I’ll Never Look at an Egg the Same Way: Shortbus

Best Supporting Actresses: Adriana Barraza (Babel), Emily Blunt (The Devil Wears Prada), Jennifer Hudson (Dreamgirls), Rinko Kikuchi (Babel), Catherine O’Hara (For Your Consideration)

Best Supporting Actors: Ben Affleck (Hollywoodland), Djimon Hounsou (Blood Diamond), Eddie Murphy (Dreamgirls), Jack Nicholson (The Departed), Michael Sheen (The Queen)

Best Actresses: Annette Bening (Running with Scissors), Penélope Cruz (Volver), Helen Mirren (The Queen), Meryl Streep (The Devil Wears Prada), Kate Winslet (Little Children)

Best Actors: Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan), Daniel Craig (Casino Royale), Leonardo DiCaprio (The Departed), Aaron Eckhart (Thank You for Smoking), Will Smith (The Pursuit of Happyness)

Best Directors: Todd Field (Little Children), Stephen Frears (The Queen), Alejandro Gonzáles Iñárritu (Babel), Paul Greengrass (United 93), Martin Scorsese (The Departed)

10 Best Films of the Year: (in alphabetical order)
A Prairie Home Companion
Babel
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
Casino Royale
The Departed
Little Children
Little Miss Sunshine
The Queen
Thank You for Smoking
United 93

Photos: MGM/Columbia Pictures (Casino Royale); Fox Searchlight Pictures (Little Miss Sunshine); DreamWorks Pictures (The Last Kiss); Paramount Pictures (Failure to Launch); 20th Century Fox (The Devil Wears Prada); Paramount Vantage (Babel).

You “Hard” Yet?

If we have come to learn anything about Madonna it is that once she gets going she is gone, and the out-today Hard Candy is proof.

The Queen of Pop’s 11th album is daring, fun, and non-stop. You are sooo going to “get stupid” over it.

It takes a few licks to get to the sweetness that lies within – its busy cornucopia of flavors is the good kind of addictive – but it’s worth it.

Lead single “4 Minutes” already is an anthem, and next single “Give It 2 Me” promises to ignite dance floors all over the world.

If you ask me, though, Hard Candy’s standouts are “Heartbeat,” “Miles Away,” and “Incredible,” with “Devil Wouldn’t Recognize You” earning a well-deserved honorable mention.

And I must be in the minority, but I rather enjoy “Beat Goes On.”

Madonna will promote the album’s release with a hot-ticket performance at Roseland Ballroom in New York City on April 30 – to be broadcast live on MSN.com starting at 10 p.m. EST – and with another on May 6 in Paris.

Her “sugar is raw,” so go on…get a cavity, already.

Photo: BN.com.

Well, This Is Aspirational

Madonna gets a lot of s--- for her beyond-ripped body and for the way she flaunts it (mostly on stage, mind you).

So – and this is a move that the haters will love but won’t admit they do – M has decided she’s launching a chain of global gyms called Hard Candy Fitness in partnership with the same folks behind 24 Hour Fitness.

How do you like them guns?

The facilities reportedly will combine fashion (Material Girl?), fitness, and entertainment for a very special Madonna-approved experience.

The first Hard Candy Fitness will open up in Mexico City next month, and there are plans to open 10 more locations throughout the world...but there’s no ETA on an American outpost, though.

Photo: BoyCulture.typepad.com.

Update: Cute logo, Madonna!

Have a Lick

Madonna’s Hard Candy doesn’t come out until April 29, but someone has gone out and posted a medley featuring the first 30 seconds of several of the album’s songs.

If you’re like me and cannot wait for the entire thing, click here – quickly, before the powers that be take down the clip.

What a treat. Hard Candy’s just one of those things. It really is going to be “Incredible.”

Photo: EW.com.

Nostalgia, Pt. 20

Madonna’s Hard Candy still is two long weeks away.

Obviously, I’m beyond looking forward to it, but I cannot help but wonder when the one and only will treat us to another slow song again.

The new album, like its predecessor Confessions on a Dance Floor, is all about fun. And I love it. From what I understand, “Miles Away” may be the closest thing to a personal, slow track on it, and for that I want it...I want it bad.

But I have a soft spot for the Queen of Pop who tells me “There’s no greater power / Than the power of good-bye,” you know.

I appreciate that M just as much as the one who’ll tell me to come into her store because she has candy galore.

Don’t you ever, ever ask me to choose between the two, though.

Photo: Answers.com.

Wanna Look Like Madonna?

Madonna’s gonna be 55 this year, and she looks and moves better than most bitches half her age.

That’s ’cause the Queen of Pop works her ass off on and off the stage, and now you can work out to the same routines she does in the comfort of your own home.

If an effort to further expand her empire, M is launching Addicted to Sweat, a fitness DVD series based on the work-outs she does with her trainer, dancer and choreographer Nicole Winhoffer, and the classes available at her Hard Candy Fitness gyms.

The exercises look heavy on the cardio, which as we all should know is the key to shed the extra poundage.

So get! Or no candy for you.

Photo: Madonnarama.com.

Sticky & Sweet Fashion & Sound

The one tour that matters to me this year, Madonna’s “Sticky & Sweet Tour,” is but 18 days away from going on and on and on – Cardiff, Wales, you better give it 2 her! – and the spoilers are hitting the Internet.

Hard.

The show’s costumes have been designed by the likes of Givenchy, Tom Ford, Miu Miu, Stella McCartney, Moschino, Yves Saint Laurent, Roberto Cavalli, and Jeremy Scott.

MadonnaTribe reports that the tour will be divided into four sections.

“The first references gangsta pimp and Art Deco, with Givenchy costumes. This, it would seem, is Madonna’s current take on her longest-running fashion inspiration – the dominatrix.

“The second section has been termed ‘Old School,’ and harkens back to the Queen of Pop’s early days in New York, with Jeremy Scott outfits and some vintage prints from Keith Haring, the late graffiti artist and friend of Madonna who died of AIDS in 1990.

“Afterward, there’s a gypsy section with more costumes from Givenchy, and finally, there’s a futuristic rave section with lots of Japanese influences.”

As for a final set list, you’ll be happy to learn that M will perform “Borderline” live in concert for the first time since 1985’s “Virgin Tour.” Also included in the show are fan favorites “Vogue,” “Into the Groove,” “Music,” “Like a Prayer,” and, of course, Hard Candy galore.

Photo: MadonnaTribe.com.

Sweet!

The cover for Madonna’s upcoming album, Hard Candy, has been revealed, and I love it.

Uhh…where can I get that belt?

I can’t wait for it to “kick my ass.”

Photo: People.com.

The Little Indie That Will

Earlier this month, Jason Reitman’s Juno achieved something extraordinary at the Toronto Film Festival: it became the little indie to watch this season.

Juno’s about a pregnant teen (Hard Candy’s Ellen Page) who decides to give up her baby for adoption to a troubled couple (The Kingdom co-stars Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman).

It will open in theaters on Dec. 14.

Want to buzz, too?

Then I now invite you to watch the trailer for Juno, and read a candid interview with Garner and Bateman.

Photo: IMDb.com.

Eat Some Liver, Madonna

According to The Sun, Madonna is anemic.

It seems the stress of the past month – rumors of a divorce from Guy Ritchie and of an affair with Alex Rodriguez have been rampant, plus rehearsals for her “Sticky & Sweet Tour” have been grueling – has taken a toll on the reigning Queen of Pop.

M is said to have fired two dancers and alienated her tour manager, and doctors, the paper says, have discovered she’s anemic and has injured her knee.

Oh, Madonna, get well soon if it’s true. I know you don’t eat red meat, but liver is rich in iron, which you might need.

And now, for a non sequitur of M proportions: My new favorite song off Hard Candy is…“She’s Not Me.” because “I should have seen the sign way back then.”

I love it. I’ve been singing it to myself since Sunday afternoon.

Photo: PhotoBucket.com.

Raising the Musical Bar

May’s going to be a fun, sexy time.

Madonna’s Hard Candy will have just hit the stores, the Sex and the City movie will open on the 30th, and, at some point, Coldplay will release their fourth album.

Rolling Stone was recently invited to preview the band’s work in progress, and here’s some of what they magazine had to say about it:

“Several tracks are considerably rougher around the edges, with distorted guitars and more prominent percussion.

“The lyrics are darker, dealing with recurring themes of death and loneliness.

“And on several songs, [lead singer Chris] Martin extends his vocal palette considerably beyond the falsetto that has largely defined him, exhibiting a lower, sexier mode that feels more personal and real.”

Guitarist Johnny Buckland says the band “felt like the first three albums were a trilogy, and we finished that. So we wanted to do something different.”

Click here to find out what Rolling Stone had to say about the songs they were allowed to listen.

I’m already a big fan of “Violet Hill,” if anything because it features the lyric, “If you love me, won’t you let me know?”

Swoon.

Photo: Clipov.net.

To the Left, to the Right

This is what the cover of Madonna’s second single off her hit album Hard Candy, “Give It 2 Me,” looks like.

Photo: Confidential Source.

Tentative Greatness

OMG – an unconfirmed set list of Madonna’s upcoming “Sticky & Sweet Tour” has leaked, and it looks like the Queen of Pop is thinking up one heck of a crowd-pleasing show.

And I love it.

M, of course, is going to perform several songs off Hard Candy, but it seems girlfriend wants to boogie-woogie to some classic tunes, including “*p** Y*** ****t,” “*o**e*l*n*,” “***ss *** U*,” “*ai*,” and even “*****ay,” which she wasn’t sure she could sing again – unless the price was right.

Remember – this is a tentative set list, and an unofficial one at that, too.

I heard and “Don’t Tell Me” and “Jump” also are possibilities, as well as “Forbidden Love” and “Nothing Fails.”

Note to self: Nov. 26 is around the frakkin’ corner. Tickets must be gotten.

Photo: Last.fm.

A Wife’s Word

At the London premiere of Iron Man, Gwyneth Paltrow told reporters the new Coldplay album is “brilliant.”

Paltrow is married to lead singer Chris Martin, so like, she would know.

“Don’t tell him I told you that,” she said. “I can’t talk about it. He gets furious!”

The actress is looking (and I bet, feeling) so good these days, I somehow doubt Martin could ever be crossed with her.

Having said that, I cannot wait to see Iron Man on Tuesday – after I get some Hard Candy, natch – or for Coldplay’s album.

It’s how much I’m into this couple. Like, if they called for a…situation, I’d totally answer.

Photo: People.com.

Touched By an Angel

Patrick Wilson is coming to TV.

One of the biggest gripes I’ve developed with Hollywood during the last decade is it hasn’t made the Tony-, Emmy-, and Golden Globe-nominated actor a big ol’ star. Sure, it’s showcased him handsomely in movies like Hard Candy and Little Children (which also featured quite a bit of his body), but it has yet to find him a vehicle worthy of his everything.

But now that’s about to change.

Wilson is set to play the lead in a CBS drama pilot written by Susannah Grant (Erin Brockovich) that Jonathan Demme will direct, playing an ultra-competitive surgeon whose life is changed forever when his ex-wife dies…and begins teaching him what life is all about from the great beyond.

I gotta say I would prefer the guy did cable (so we can see his tush and be all edgy with the cussing), but hey, beggars can’t be choosers.

Photo: PatrickWilson.org.

I’m Onto M’s Game

The summer solstice got me thinking: Does Madonna have a Song of Summer in Hard Candy’s “Spanish Lesson,” after all?

I gotta say I’ve dismissed the track as a rather silly one in the past, but it’s playful and quite cheeky – just like the Queen of Pop.

I’m just going to say it: “Yo soy loco” for “Spanish Lesson.”

Photo: DailyMail.co.uk.

From Justin to Madonna

My beautiful-stranger spy has sent me part of the speech Justin Timberlake will deliver tonight when he inducts Madonna into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Want to read it? Want to?

Here’s part of it…. Talk about a frakkin' exclusive.

“You know, I got to co-write and co-produce half the tracks on Madonna’s new record, Hard Candy, working with Timbaland and Danja.

“People are already asking me what it’s really like to work with Madonna. They want to know if she’s a total control freak – as some have said. Well, all I know is that she’s the only Rock and Roll Hall of Famer to ever personally administer a B-12 shot in my butt.

“That’s right – Madonna had B-12 shots with her in a zip lock bag just in case some started to feel ill.

“That’s what’s called being a professional. And maybe that’s what Madonna has been and will continue to be for all of us – a shot in the ass when we really needed it.

“Madonna and I even got to write and sing together on her lead-off single called “4 Minutes To Save The World” and in a sense that’s what Madonna has always done – save the world, one great four-minute song at a time.

“Ladies and gentleman, the world has long been full of Madonna wannabes – and I might have even dated a couple – but there is only one Madonna.

“So right now it is one of the true thrills and privileges of my life to stand on this stage and induct Madonna into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.”

Iggy & The Stooges will perform two songs in honor of the Queen of Pop. Madonna should be inducted around 10 p.m.

Photo: CBSNews.com.

Dirty Kinda Sexy People

In 2008, Madonna didn’t just release another successful album (Hard Candy), or hit the road again (with her best-selling “Sticky & Sweet Tour”), or get divorced (from Guy Ritchie) – she also became a film writer and a film director.

Because if as an actress you don’t succeed….

M has co-written – with Dan Cadan, an assistant to her soon-to-be-ex on his Snatch (there’s a little trivia for ya) – and directed Filth and Wisdom, an indie that’s about an hour longer than its originally intended less-than-20-minutes-long short-film running time, about three London flatmates desperately seeking something.

The movie is a valiant effort on M’s part to pursue her cinematic aspirations. It earns Madonna an A for chutzpah, but a C+ for being able to keep her fans, which you know make up the bulk of the audience, in their seats.

Oh yeah, at last night’s Miami premiere at the Miami Beach Cinematheque, I counted four gays…I mean, guys walking out the door for greener and cocktailier pastures.

It’s also the Queen of Pop’s keen observation that in life, in order to achieve anything true, you have to have both filth and wisdom.

M drives the point home by following Andriy Krystiyan, a.k.a. A.K. (Eugene Hutz), a Ukrainian cross-dressing S&M dominator living with Juliette (Vicky McClure), a kleptomaniac pharmacist longing to travel to Africa to help starving children, and a ballerina-cum-stripper named Holly (Holly Weston).

Each one has a dream in the pipeline, but seemingly not a prayer in heaven of making them a reality.

The lesson of Filth and Wisdom is you gotta fight for your right to be. And that Madonna, should she be able to find a little humanity – although I’d take irony – in her next offering, has earned the right to call herself a film director.

Filth and Wisdom…M had to have it to be taken seriously on the silver screen. Good for her.

My Rating **1/2
Photo: AllAboutMadonna.com.

I Hear It in M’s Voice

Today, MadonnaTribe “heard from reliable sources that it’s 200 percent confirmed that ‘Miles Away’ is going to be the third single off Hard Candy.”

O.M. Jeez. I was just thinking about that this morning…that either “Miles Away” or “Devil Wouldn’t Recognize You” should be released as Madonna’s next single. Perhaps radio will play it, too, unlike “Give It 2 Me.”

There’s no word on a “Miles Away” video at this point, though, but may I suggest M produce one with a story line à la “Take a Bow”?

Photo: ArjanWrites.com.