He Is Legend, But...

I finally saw Robert Zemeckis’ Beowulf.

I know…it took me long enough.

The movie was shot using the same stop-motion capture technology – it employs real actors for not-so real action – used in 2004’s The Polar Express. Thus, it is a pretty handsome adaptation of the Old English epic poem of the same name.

It’s an interesting technology, stop-motion capture technology, one that’s supposed to revolutionize filmmaking, but one that, I feel in cases such as this one, strips movies from the humanity actors can bring to them.

Yes, Beowulf is quite the treat to watch – much more so in IMAX 3D, I understand – but it was hard for me to appreciate the grandiosity of the story when the real-life actors who appear in it look so…artificial.

This is a movie that would have benefited from getting the 300 treatment – hyper-real visuals elevated by actual talent on screen…good, bad, and ugly in plain sight – instead of Barbie and Ken-inizing its talent.

Ray Winstone (Sexy Beast) looks H-O-T as our hero, although you probably wouldn’t know he doesn’t look so imposing because he’s just not that well-known in the United States.

I bet you’ll find it a bit off-putting to see the animated versions of Anthony Hopkins, Angelina Jolie, and especially Robin Wright Penn, though. There’s something wrong with their doll-like complexion…the same kind of wrong there is with Nicole Kidman’s, for ince. It’s just not natural-looking.

As for the Beowulf‘s plot: In the age of heroes comes the mightiest warrior of them all, Beowulf (Winstone).

After destroying the overpowering demon Grendel, he incurs the immortal wrath of his ruthlessly seductive mother (Jolie), who will use any means possible to ensure revenge.

The epic battle that follows resonates throughout the ages, immortalizing the song of Beowulf, and revealing the truth behind it.

And you know what they say about dirty laundry….

This one’s for a rainy afternoon.

At home, albeit on a big screen, but don’t bother with the big, big one.

Unless you go 3D.

And nothing else’s playing.

Otherwise you’re just paying for a novelty that is pretty cool, but not that memorable.

My Rating **1/2

Photo: Paramount Pictures.