Good for You, Kylie!

Aussie pop princess Kylie Minogue is off the market!

Indeed, the singer is engaged to her British actor-boyfriend, Joshua Sasse (TV’s Galavant).

The couple made the happy development public at an awards show in London earlier this week.

Photo: UsMagazine.com.

The Day the Earth Broke

It must be nice to be The Rock.

I say this with sincerity and admiration since the somewhat-anticipated release of the summer disaster flick San Andreas this weekend makes it 100 percent clear that there’s a cadre of Hollywood executives that thinks so highly of the former wrestler’s acting alter ego, Dwayne Johnson, that they went and built an entire tentpole about a massive earthquake leveling California and are now selling it on the strength of...his mug (check out the movie’s poster).

Guess The Big One ain’t a match for The Rock....

And that, my friends, is some star power, which is exactly what a popcorn movie like this one needs to work, even when it sorta doesn’t.

Following the huge-as-him success of the not-his Furious Seven, Johnson toplines the blockbuster du jour as Ray Gaines, an L.A. Fire Department rescue-chopper pilot who has never encountered a dire situation he couldn’t get out of or make better for everyone else involved. Except for that one time he couldn’t save his own daughter, an incident that cost him his marriage to Carla Gugino’s Emma – don’t worry, they are in good terms, albeit separated, and their spare, an impossibly big-eyed stunner played by Alexandra Daddario (HBO’s True Detective), loves ’em both – and left him with nothing but his work and his manly, quiet guilt.

On the day of the event in question Ray is out flying the friendly L.A. skies when a series of quakes starts tearing into the West Coast, from the outskirts of Vegas through Tinseltown and Bakersfield and finishing up in my new home, San Francisco. The City by the Bay, it must be noted, dahlings, is having a plum 2015, with key roles in The Age of Adaline, San Andreas, and the upcoming Ant-Man. Good for her! Except, you know, not good for her (she gets it hard in this one).

But I digress.

Soon, everyone is listening to the warnings of a Caltech seismologist, the movie’s stock serious man played by stock serious actor Paul Giamatti, who has cracked a way to predict a quake by precious seconds. When, with an invaluable assist from Archie Panjabi’s (TV’s The Good Wife) TV journalist-character, Giamatti’s know-all deus ex machinas a warning to the world alerting that everyone in the Bay Area must get out of dodge and especially out of the much-more-cinematic SF, Ray and Emma go against the grain, for they just gotta save their daughter, Daddario’s Blake.

If only they can find her and get to her, of course.

Which, duh, they do.

It’s not like, on top of confining Johnson – one of the most kick-ass action stars working today – to a friggin’ moving vehicle of some sort for most of the movie, screenwriter Carlton Cuse (A&E’s Bates Motel, TV’s Lost) is also gonna have him lose another kid. Like, no. While it is quote-unquote cool to see s--- break (in this case, the Hoover Dam and, uh, California), it is indisputable that this project had one big fault: its main villain, the ultimate earthquake, isn’t punchable, and that is why the movie doesn’t feature, say, Zac Efron in the lead, racing to save his gf or som’in’.

Look, San Andreas is not an Oscar movie.

Heck, it’s barely a movie an MTV Movie Awards-worthy one.

It is a non-stop special effect shamelessly designed to make you buy some tickets and escape the real world and its quite-real disaster possibilities and into a fantasy that is much too ridikolous to be scary. Just ask Ioan Gruffudd; the way his stepfather figure is handled and dispatched is beyond-silly (and thanks for the bitchy cameo, Kylie!).

The only one, in this market, who could do that is Johnson – he may not be able to knock out a quake with his bare hands, but he will kick its butt in a matter of speaking and save the day, alright. So good for him.

My Rating **1/2

Photo: Warner Bros.

Doing It for the Children

Know what never fails to bring together a bevy of stars?

Kids. You know, the proverbial children.

Which is why when the BBC called for a star-studded cover of the Beach Boys’ “God Only Knows,” Pharrell, Elton John, and Lorde heeded the call.

As did Chris Martin.

And Florence Welch.

And Kylie Minogue.

And Stevie Wonder, and One Direction, and Chrissie Hynde, and Dave Grohl, and Smith Smith, among others. Watch:

And they did it all for the BBC’s Children in Need charity, so think about purchasing the single now and showing the children you support ’em, too.

Time to Sexercise!

F--- prancercising – Kylie Minogue wants ya to “Sexercise.”

For real.

You see, La Minogue is making working out sexy and kinda raunchy (but not vulgar, IMHO) – “Stretch it up baby,” “sit tight,” “ get it, get,” “bounce bounce bounce bounce” (you get the gist of it all) – with the latest single of her upcoming Kiss Me Once.

I...need to hit the iTunes now.

Photo: DailyTelegraph.com.au.

Time to Pucker Up!

Kylie Minogue loves her fans.

So she’s teasing her upcoming new album the bestest way: with some lip action.

Kiss Me Once is a-comin’, and here’s your first listen at what she’s cooked up for it. It’s the first single, “Into the Blue.”

Sweet!

Photo: Towleroad.com.

The Book of Kylie

How did I miss that my favorite Aussie pop princess Kylie Minogue has a book out?

I should be spanked.

Kylie: Fashion came out last month and is a chronicle of the “eclectic” and iconic style she has rocked during her 25-year career (Jean Paul Gaultier wrote the foreword).

Mmm...a Kylie spank. That could be fun. And glittery.

Photo: EW.com.

Shake It Down with Kylie

Kylie Minogue is on the move.

Evidently, the Aussie pop princess is now a Roc Nation artist (that’s Jay-Z’s label), and she’s ready for us to listen to the sound of her...“Skirt”?

Well, that’s the name of her new single, and it pulses, and it moans, and makes you wanna dance. Have a listen:

Funny how girlfriend keeps telling us she like, wants to shake down, down, down, even though, speaking from empirical experience, we all know she likes to take it up, up, up (the hem of her skirt, that is – it usually lives so far away from her knees it would need a passport to visit the area).

Oy with it already. Tonight, La Minogue is yours (if you play this over and over like I am right now).

K Explodes

Why Kylie Minogue is not happening in America the way she should be will forever be a mystery.

No matter to her or her fans – guilty! – because we know that the Aussie pop princess is the real deal. She’s been at it for 25 years, and she ain’t gonna stop any time soon.

Just to prove it, the petite powerhouse has dropped a new single, “Timebomb,” on the U.K. version of The Voice.

Go, Kylie. Go, go – go, Kylie!

Photo: Towleroad.com.

The Gayest K25

Kylie Minogue is celebrating 25 years in the music industry this year, and she is going to celebrate with her biggest fans – the gays! – in just a couple of months.

Yup, Minogue will be the centerpiece of March’s Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, which will serve as a highlight of her own K25 – 25 Years of Kylie events.

Sweet!

And to get us all excited, especially her Aussies, the singer released a reworked orchestral version of “Finer Feelings” recorded at Abbey Road. Check it and love it here:

Doesn’t she sound (and look) just as fierce as evah?

Hot Tour Alert!

OMKylie.

I almost can’t type. I mean, really. I came out of seeing The Green Hornet – you must check it out when it opens – and I get an e-mail, quite literally as soon as I got out of the theater, announcing the news: Kylie Minogue is coming to America, and better yet...she’s bringing her “Aphrodite - Les Folies 2011 Tour” to South Florida.

I. Die.

The Aussie pop princess will perform in Fort Lauderdale on May 7.

I. Must. Go to her. (She’s also headed to New York, Las Vegas, and Dallas. I know folks in each of those cities, so multiple chances to see and enjoy her. Swoon!)

Photo: Kylie.com.

Kylie’s American Encore

This is why I heart my Twitter feed.

About five hours ago, Aussie pop princess Kylie Minogue teased she is coming back to America for another tour that, I should trust, will include Miami this time around.

Unlike the last time.

Not that I’m still upset the snub from two years ago or anything....

Details are a-comin’.

Photo: DustinDrorbaugh.com.

Loverstastic

Kylie Minogue is back with a cute little breathy song called “All the Lovers,” the first single off her upcoming album Aphrodite, due out July 5.

“‘All the Lovers’ had to be the first single,” the singer said. “It sums up the euphoria of the album perfectly. It gives me goosebumps, so I’m really excited to hear what everyone thinks of it.”

The video was released today, and it’s...interesting.

I knew the treatment for it called for people to run to one another and like, take their shirts off and start making out and whatnot, but then I saw that La Minogue emerges from under a flesh pile all goddess-like. She reminded me of Maryann, the maenad from the last season of True Blood.

And Maryann was all about euphoria. I’m glad Kylie channels her energy better.

Photo: Idolator.com.

Kylie Hearts Madonna

Kylie Minogue has released a self-penned set list for her upcoming “Kylie USA 2009 Tour,” and just as she promised, it includes plenty of fan favorites.

Set to be performed are “In My Arms,” “Slow,” and “Locomotion,” natch, among others.

Also among Ms. Minogue selections? Madonna’s “Burning Up” and “Vogue.”

Aww...the Aussie pop princess gives props to the Queen.

The six-city “Kylie USA 2009 Tour” kicks off on Sept. 30 in Oakland, Calif.

Photo: ShoppingBlog.com.

Update 1: Check out the sketches of the costumes Jean Paul Gaultier is readying for La Minogue.

Something fierce this way comes!

Update 2: Now see Kylie rehearse:

Kylie Does America

After more than 20 years of teasing, one of Australia’s prime exports, Kylie Minogue, is coming to America for the very first time this fall for a six-date tour that’s surely going to do wonders for gay traveling.

Of finally – finally! – visiting with her stateside fans, the petite powerhouse said, “it was now or never,” and promises her show will include lots of hits, which will be remixed and are not embarrassing for her to perform at all (hear that, Madge?).

Of one thing we can be sure, she said: “There’ll still be the razzle-dazzle, don’t you worry.”

Now add Miami to your schedule, Kylie, and I won’t.

Photo: People.com.

Queen of the Night

Last night in Lima, Peru, Kylie Minogue got herself a hat.

The Aussie couldn’t get the Peruvian capital out of her head, so she brought her “KylieX2008 Tour” to the Estadio Monumental, where a fan threw a chullo, a typical Peruvian wool hat, which the singer not only picked up but wore as well.

Modeling her new chullo on stage, she said she wished she would’ve gotten it earlier in the night to keep her from the cold, and that she’d keep it, taking a bow and offering a smiling “Thank you.”

Click here to watch how it happened.

Minogue’s graceful act made me think of another pop singer I adore, and how she’d never. This other lady would’ve spat on the chullo, kicked it, and likely asked that fans didn’t throw s--- on her stage. Then she would’ve acted moodier than usual and probably rushed through her set.

Oh, America, why haven’t you made Kylie Minogue a bigger star?

Photo: DayLife.com.

Can’t Get The Jealousy Out of My Head

Kylie Minogue is going to perform in Peru on my birthday, and I couldn’t be more jealous.

“I must confess that I don’t know much about Peru, although I would love to learn about its people and its rich culture,” she said.

I am very into Australia these days, so to be so close – I could so get amazing tickets to the concert – and yet so far away from the diva from Down Under, well…it’s killer – and not in the good way.

What are the frakkin’ odds? And why won’t girlfriend put on three shows in the United States. OK, four: Miami, New York, Los Angeles, and, natch, Las Vegas.

Why!

Photo: BeatTrend.com.

Talk About Someone Who Should Be a Bigger Deal in America

Kylie Minogue, I’m into you, I’m into you.

What can I say – I can’t resist.

I said it before, that you’re something fierce, but, really, you are just, “Wow.”

Photo: 991.com.

Update: I’m sooo surprised – and jealous! – that Kylie Minogue is going to perform in Peru...on my birthday.

Please, please, please come to Miami, already!

Fierce

I never say “fierce,” but if I did, I certainly would say Kylie Minogue’s new video, for “In My Arms,” is something fierce.

La Minogue, who recently beat breast cancer, is back and better than ever – with a new album, X (due out in the United States in March), and an upcoming tour – following a two-year absence from the music scene.

Welcome back, cutie.

Photo: en.EpochTimes.com.