A Whole New World

Roland Emmerich’s 2012 is the rarest of movies: a summer blockbuster…in fall.

I’m going to keep this short because this disaster movie is review-proof, y’ know, and ’cause at 158 minutes, the movies runs a heckuva lot longer than it should, which you needn’t think about it too much.

The premise is simple: The world as we know it is coming to and.

What – did you expect something else from Emmerich, he who gave us Independence Day and the global warming warning The Day After Tomorrow?

The movie opens in the present day, as a couple of scientists (one played by Chiwetel Ejiofor) discover that massive solar flares are producing nomalies with the Earth’s inner crust (or was it its core? or both?).

Or something like that.

Soon, the American government is warned, and we flash forward three years, to a date around that which the Mayans predicted (ish) will be the end of our days: Dec. 21., 2012.

What follows is a race against time for survival, and we go along for the ride with John Cusack and his estranged family, which includes his ex-wife, played by the never-more-lovely-or-misplaced-in-a-big-money-maker Amanda Peet.

We meet a cuckoo puff (Woody Harrelson) who knows more than the powers that be would like him to, a beyond-noble POTUS played by Danny Glover, and his self- and good-of-the-richest-serving chief of staff (Oliver Platt).

Everyone everywhere’s scared and coping with a kept-secret apocalypse, for never before has a date in history been so significant to so many cultures, or to so many religions, scientists, and governments. The world is changing literally under the name.

Unfortunately, 2012, which was delayed from summer for whatever reason, isn’t the kind of epic blockbuster adventure that will leave satisfied.

Sure, the special effects are awesome, and the thrill pieces are fantastic (see L.A. break apart and Vegas burn, and lots and lots of people perish but good!), and there’s even a little eye candy thrown into the mix for good measure, but 2012 is much too long for its own good.

But then again, it doesn’t matter any what I say. It, like the plausibility of its story, will be huge.

My Rating **1/2

Photo: Sony Pictures.