Miami Blah

Most of the promotional material for Michael Mann’s Miami Vice will have you believe that one of television's “most influential series” (which he executive produced way back when) has come back to life as an “explosive” feature film this summer.

Certainly, the studio’s marketing minds didn’t mean “explosive” as in bomb, which the movie comes very close to being. Granted, if this weren’t Miami Vice I’m pretty sure the anticipation factor would’ve been considerably lower, but the truth is the movie is a major disappointment.

Mann’s big screen offering, however, is not a remake – you couldn’t really call it that. It is a (failed) reinvention of sorts. The fractured script has done without any sense of camaraderie between Sonny Crockett and Ricardo Tubbs, who, as played by Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx, mumble incomprehensively and sleepwalk around for most of the first act – and they’re supposed to be setting up some sort of sting at a Miami Beach hot spot!

The story is basic cops and robbers…except the cops have carte blanche to nab the robbers, who in this case are members of an extremely dangerous and well-organized drug cartel. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

A leak at the FBI has led to multiple murders and blown a massive international drug-trafficking case wide open. With the Miami-Dade Police Department one of the only uncompromised agencies remaining, Crockett and Tubbs are pulled into the investigation of the Cuban drug lord Arcángel de Jesús Montoya and his alluring business adviser Isabella (Memoirs of a Geisha’s Gong Li).

The stakes are high – but just how high is telegraphed at best. Soon, Crockett and Tubbs discover that it will take more than deep expert undercover work to bring down Montoya’s big-budget international operation. It will take attitude, ingenuity, and a total immersion in their undercover roles that will ultimately put their whole personal and professional lives on the line.

Miami Vice is a departure from the TV show, all right – it is its exact opposite. Remember what I said about it being a reinvention? The pastel color palette has been replaced with a heavy use of blues and grays, and though the sprawling views of the Magic City remain, they are extremely dark and gritty.

Farrell and Foxx are apart for more than two thirds of the movie, and the rapport between their Crockett and Tubbs suffers as a result. I hardly bought the two as partners – not that I wanted them to be on top of each other (hey, that’s a thought), but I at least would’ve liked to think they really had each other’s backs.

Having said, their respective relationships with women – Farrell’s with Li and Foxx’s with Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest’s Naomie Harris (as his intel analyst girlfriend) – were established quite well. But this is supposed to be Miami Vice, not a romantic action drama.

There’s lots of boom in this artfully shot movie, but very little bang (that standoff at the end notwithstanding).

Side note: Miami Vice had its East Coast premiere at the Lincoln Theatre, and, as I told E! Online’s Ted Casablanca, it was not the star-studded affair it could have been.

The celebration got started with a pre-premiere benefit dinner for CURED hosted by Emilio Estefan at Quattro on Lincoln Road, which drew the likes of Madonna’s BFF Ingrid Casares (whose presence effectively put the kibosh on the rumor that she had flown to Europe with Madonna) and Heatherette designer Richie Rich.

The following night, the red carpet premiere drew a large crowd of onlookers, yet the two stars of the movie, Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx, were conspicuously MIA. Considering they had been making the talk show circuit in New York City, everyone thought they would fly down and party. Alas, they did not, but Mann did.

Guests included the Estefans, Casares (seen sneaking into the theater), Rich, Hulk Hogan and his family, Sammy Sosa, the Miami Heat’s Alonzo Mourning, Timbaland, Mya, and Nicky Hilton, who was accompanied by a fresh-out-of-rehab Brandon Davis (he checked himself in after TMZ.com caught him calling Lindsay Lohan a "firecrotch"). Hilton and Davis left hastily – a mere 20 minutes after working it for the press. Perhaps they heard the movie was…not so great.

Pretty much everyone hit the after-party at Mansion (a location in the movie), as did fabulous local diva Elaine Lancaster, Paris Hilton’s music producer Scott Storch and Finesse Mitchell (TV’s SNL).

My Rating **

Photo: Universal Pictures.